“Life consists of health, wealth, and relationships. They’re all interconnected: neglect one, the others are impacted”. Sean Stephenson
Does something always get in the way of achieving your most desired goals? Do you wish you were healthier, more active with your children, and could accomplish more at work? Do you look at successful people who seem to live their best year EVERY YEAR and whose lives always go in the right direction, and you ask yourself “How do they do it all?” On the other hand, do you know some very smart people with high IQ who just can’t do well in life, have major health problems and perhaps are lonely? While IQ can, to some degree, predictacademic performance and success in obtaining a job, some of those with high IQ scores often can’t keep that very job, fail to maintaing strong relationships with people, and are unable to stick with positive habits.
You ask “Why?”
The answer is Emotional Intelligence (EQ/EI). It is your ability to recognize what emotions you experience and how this emotions affect your behaviors and actions, so that you can consciously take control over those rather than letting them control you and your decisions. Once you learn this concept and tools, you can be in charge forever! It will increase your self-awareness and enable you to get rid of bad habits that destroy your life, relationships and health, and create new, positive habits that you will develop thoughtfully, which will allow you to live the life you deserve, achieve the goals you desire, improve your health, increase your motivation and productivity, and enhance your overall well-being.
Emotional Intelligence is built of 5 components. Each of them consists 3 sub-components. In this article, we will only talk about EQ skills needed to improve your health and wellness.
Emotional Self-Awareness – the ability to understand how you feel and why and apply this understanding to avoid unwanted behaviors and actions. For example, you feel grumpy and exhausted with the fact that it’s been raining for the last 6 days. Because of that, you’re short with your family and aggravated with your colleagues. I need to tell you that between what happens to us and what we do with it lies the power of our choice. Ask yourself “Can I do anything to stop the rain?” Obviously, the answer is “No”. Then, why be grumpy? Without putting too much thought in why you’re grumpy, you can stay that way and get exhausted and overwhelmed, and overwhelm others, too. But by taking charge of your mood, realizing how you really feel and why, you can choose to focus on what’s really important in life and what you have control over. The first approach is called “reactive” and the second is called “proactive”. By becoming proactive and exercising your power of choice, you will increase your optimism and save yourself from unnecessary stress, focus your effort and energy on getting things done and improving your productivity overall. To increase your self-awareness, keep a journal and spend some time each evening to write down the feelings you experienced that day and why you felt like this, as well as how it affected what you did. Another recommendation: whenever you experience anger or other strong emotions like excitement, slow down to examine the reason why you’re feeling that way; here, try to “go to the balcony” which means imagine yourself not being yourself but someone who’s watching you that very moment: what does this person think? how would this person act? what advice could this person give you? When doing it becomes a habit, you will become more calmunder pressure.
Self-Regard – the ability to accept yourself the way you are and to respect yourself. Often, I hear from people that they do not deserve a beautiful body or good health. Self-Regard is usually associated with the feeling of security, inner strength, self-assuredness, and self-confidence. People with healthy Self-Regard know their strengths and appreciate them while accepting their vulnerabilities and successfully managing them. Confidence is essential for success because every positive transformation starts with the belief that you can make good things happen for yourself and others. To increase your confidence, tell yourself every morning a simple phrase “I Love Myself!” As you do it, look in a mirror and feel encouragement. Also, write down your achievements and good things you do for others. As you list them, you will remember so many new strengths of yours that you may have forgotten with time. Besides that, you can ask a trusted friend or a partner what it is that they value most in you. You may be surprised how many great personal qualities you possess!
Independence – the ability to function autonomously, direct and control yourself. Sometimes, people make a decision to get healthier, but when their friends ask them out to a fast-food place, they can’t resist, even though they know it will delay the achievement of their own desired health-goal. Making decisions, following through and keeping commitments to own self is what stands out about independent people. To increase your independence, set up SMART goals for yourself: Specific, Measurable, Action-oriented, Realistic and Time-bound. For example: “I will lose 10 pounds by May 15 (Measurable, Realistic and Time-bound). To do so, I will wake up at 6 am instead of 7 am, exercise for 45 min and then eat healthy, home-made breakfast instead of grabbing something from a drive-through; I will also take my own healthy sandwiches to work and eat lunch slowly, so that my body gets filled with less food; I will replace sodas with green tea and water; I also will go for a walk every day after work for 15 min around the neighborhood instead of watching TV; and I will put my cellphone on “silent” at night time, so I can get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep to let my body and mind fully recharge (Specific: explains how to)”. After setting your goal, print it out on a bright-color paper and place it where you will effortlessly see it every day. When a friend invites you out to a fast-food place, take a look at your goal and act accordingly.
Impulse Control – the ability to resist or delay an impulse in order to avoid making rush decisions. People with healthy Impulse Control are willing to defer immediate results for long-term success. For example, you set your goal of losing weight and know that you are not supposed to eat heavily after 6 pm. But let’s assume you get angry at somebody of frustrated for some reason, and the first thing you do is rush to the refrigerator and grab something to eat, or, even worse, go to a fast-food place and drink 4 beers to calm yourself down. Impulse Control is essential for success at anything you want to succeed at, including your health and wellness. It enables you to take a moment and use the power of your own choice to make the right decision that will contribute to achieving and not delaying your goal.
Stress Tolerance – the ability to effectively cope with stress. Even more important here is resiliency – the ability to overcome adverse life events without experiencing stress, and to grow and develop as a consequence of such events. Did you know that 52% of people miss 1 to 2 days of work per year due to stress, 30% miss 3 to 6 days of work per year due to stress, and 18% miss more than 6 days of work per year due to stress. How much do you make a day? This is how much more you could have made if you were more resilient. Stress and heart disease go hand-in-hand: if you often experience stress, your body produces a high level of cortisol (stress hormone) which can lead to rapid heartbeat and high blood pressure, a potentially deadly combination. Also, recently numerous studies have been performed elucidating the role of emotional stress as a risk-factor for the development of type two diabetes. Here’s what you can do right now to increase your resiliency and improve your stress-tolerance.
Find a good chiropractor. Chiropractors identify and correct the cause of health challenges which arise when misalignments of the vertebrae (the small bones that make up the spine) disrupt neurological communications between your brain and the cells, tissues, and organs of the body. These misalignments can cause you a great deal of pain which will increase your stress-level. Make a chiropractic adjustment a part of your routine and you will feel more harmony in your body and mind.
Spend quality time with your loved ones. Building stronger family boundaries will help decrease your level of stress and increase the level of empathy, love and support. Establish “Family Dinner Friday” when everyone will prepare and eat a healthy meal at a table while sharing a conversation. No TV or cell phones allowed!
Fuel your mind with positive, uplifting information. Every day we’re bombarded with scary, ugly, scandalous and tragic news. Instead of listening to the radio on the way to work, listen to a motivational CD about personal development, leadership, and success. Instead of talking about the economic crisis at a doctor’s office, search Facebook for positive and motivational quotes and wallpapers. You can also start a “Thanksgiving Journal” where you will write down thanks for all the good things people do for you daily (it may be a word of support or an act of kindness). You will see how much easier it will become for you to keep cool under pressure if you consciously avoid negativity and look for positivity. Also remember that we’re constantly engaging in a self-talk which tells us and others a lot about how we perceive the world. Those who have a positive and realistic self-talk function in much more healthy ways than those whose self-talk is negative. Changing just the way you talk to yourself is a giant step in the direction to preventative care for being overwhelmed with stress.
Exercise. Exercise can decrease stress, increase flexibility and balance, improve blood sugar and blood pressure control, strengthen your body overall and increase your level of optimism toward life. Good exercise program consists of cardio, stretch, and weight training. The American Heart Association recommends at least 150 minutes of moderate exercise (brisk walking or cycling) weekly plus strength training at least twice a week. Make sure to eat right when you include working out in your routine. Keep a food journal to avoid poor eating. Protein will fuel your workouts and help you maintain lean muscle. Make sure to eat at least 3-4 servings of 2-3 ounces of protein-reach beans, soy, fish, lean meat or low-fat dairy products. If you don’t feel motivated enough, find an accountability partner. A reliable accountability partner can provide foundation that will support you along your journey to creating permanent positive lifestyle change for wellness and success.
Eat healthy. Everyday stress can cause metabolic changes that, in the long run, contribute to obesity, according to a recent study by the departments of psychiatry and biomedical engineering at the University of Cincinnati College of Medicine. In the same time, healthy eating habits can prevent you from experiencing stress. Research indicates that 41% of obese people cite “not enough time” as the reason they eat poorly. You can spend just two hours on a weekend to shop for week’s worth healthy food and prepare healthy meals, and it will save you time, pounds, and money. A survey by CDC found that almost 40% of people, who lost a significant amount of weight and kept it off successfully, planned their weekly meals in advance. Don’t underestimate the importance of breakfast. Skipping breakfast is strongly linked to the development of obesity. Breakfast skippers tend to eat more food than usual at the next meal or nibble on high-calorie snacks to stave off hunger. It’s important that you consume antioxidants – nature’s way of fighting off potentially dangerous molecules in the body. Make it a rule to “Eat It If It Grows On A Tree” (fruits and vegetables). Essentially eat spinach and other greens: they provide you with vitamins A, C, K, as well as minerals including calcium and magnesium and also fiber and beta-carotene. Greens can help you prevent cancer, heart-disease, stroke and obesity.
I hope that you will pick a few things from the list above that you can start doing immediately to significantly increase your resiliency and help you prevent stress. By utilizing the tools I shared with you, you can advance your Emotional Intelligence, relationships, health, motivation, productivity, effectiveness and happiness.
